Dinner with the Almighty

I have come to realize that many of you are VERY sick of the "B" word. As of yet, it is hard to say if it's more "Bozo" or "Boaz" so, I think "B" is appropriately ambiguous. I want to appologize to the "sick", and hope that this entry may shed little more light, into the area I like to call "My Crazy." Sorry it's so long, but I needed to write this down. Please bare with me as I let this out...

As the begining of July rolled around, the devil put things in full gear for me. The temptation to disobey and make contact has been extremely difficult for me. James has already moved on, found a girlfriend (Amanda), divorce paperwork has already been stamped, signed, and filed. I find it very difficult for myself to stay obedient. Still, in the depths of my spirit, I know what God wants for me. I understand that I NEED this time to let myself heal, and more importantly, really find myself and spend time with God.

Looking back on my journey so far, I've come to realize that I already am in Love with someone. He is so patient with me, and it is so easy for me to forget that He is right here with me. I push Him away at the first sign of Crazy, and forget so often that He is my number one priority. Tonight was no exception. I'm so sorry, God.

Usually, my schedule is booked. I have been trying very hard to keep busy and stay out of trouble (as Maggie likes to put it). However, tonight my girlfriend bailed on me, and I found myself wanting to take a road trip east... However, a tiny little voice inside my head said NO (maybe it was Iowa Ginger)! Instead, I found myself dining alone. I really don't mind my own company, and have eaten out by myself a lot. Even when I was married, I didn't have any problem going out to dinner or a movie (or both) by myself. I sat there and pulled out my Bible and read while I ate my dinner. Today's lesson was the book of Ruth, it is easily the book I have been looking forward to reading the most. I was not disappointed. It was an amazing story, and I felt renewed in my walk. Not because of a prize at the end of my journey for being good (Happy Meal Christians as my pastor likes to call them), but because obedience is God's love language, and I just want to make Him happy.

At the end of my meal, as I was finishing up the book of Ruth, I heard God talk to me. "Thanks for having dinner with me, Thea. It's about time we did this again." He was smiling at me as he said it (I could hear it in his voice). I felt so renewed and filled with love and devotion. I was never alone, nor will I ever be. He is always with me!